What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

How do you perform a lap dance for your boyfriend or husband?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

True - how I loved my mum!

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Do you know what she said mum?

What do you mean son?

I feel so attached and in love with a dead celebrity. My love for anyone else is overshadowed by my love for him. What does this mean?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What! how could you do that?

Can you write a letter to your first love without mentioning his/her name?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What is your best forbidden sex story that felt so right?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?